Steven Destroys the World with a Bag of Chips
by Edgemaster123
Summary: Steven sat down and ate a bag of chips. Then everything went downhill from there in this perfect fanfic that is a real thing that really happened for real in the real world, really!
1. Steven Destroys the World

Steven sat down.

 _Yes, that is how I am going to begin this story. With Steven sitting down. Would you have it any other way? No? Then shut up, this is my story._

Anyway, Steven sat down. It was a very hot day, with the sun's bright, scorching rays beating down on Beach City from above, so Steven sat down underneath a tree. The cool shade was the perfect relief from the burning sun, so Steven sat down in the cool shade underneath a tree. Said tree and said shade was in a park, so I guess Steven sat down in the cool shade underneath a tree in the park. Oh, and did I mention that he sat down on a bench? No? Or that the bench was old? No? Or that the bench was exactly 2.17 meters long? Or 76.92 centimeters deep? Or 1.00096 meters tall? Or 4.012 centimeters thick? No? Well then. Steven sat down on an old bench that was exactly 2.17 meters long, 76.92 centimeters deep, 1.00096 meters tall and 4.012 centimeters thick in the relieving, cold shade underneath a tall, oak tree that was 11.562 meters tall... in the old park that had existed for 163 years. Next to an old set of swings. And there, on the old, moldy, chipped, green bench that was exactly 2.17 meters long, 76.92 centimeters deep, 1.00096 meters tall and 4.012 centimeters thick that was next to an old set of swings in the relieving, cold shade underneath a tall oak tree that was 11.562 meters tall in the old park that had existed for 163 years, Steven opened a bag of the brand-new Spicy Chili BBQ Hot Dog Steak Bacon Pineapple Lettuce flavored Chaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaps (as they were now called). Yes, right there, and right then, Steven opened a bag of chips.

 _Quick note for all you readers: If this story is getting too amazing and suspenseful for you, then feel free to leave so you can go to the toilet and vomit from all of the excitement being too much for you. By the way, this is probably going to be your first, only and last opportunity to do so. Are you gone yet? Good. Now the real awesomeness can begin. Also, trigger warning for all you readers still reading: this might get a little too epic._

Steven pulled out a chip. It was mostly a pale, yellowy color, as most Chaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaps are, with a powdery, brownish substance coating the shallow, linear, straighter-than-a-ruler ridges. In the distance, Garnet shook her head. That's not relevant, though. Anyway, Steven closely inspected the chip. It appeared to have less flavoring than most other Chaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaps but, really, that was to be expected. Chaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaps never really had much flavoring, unless they were the strange kind that Ronaldo had once claimed to have found (although Steven was pretty sure that it was just some leftovers from the Centipeedle). However, this one was strange. It really did have less flavoring than other Chaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaps, instead opting for some strange, multicolored, crystalline substance. Odd, but Steven ate the chip anyway...

 _For anybody who is still reading somehow, I suggest that you immediately turn back now. This is the scariest and most intense part of this story, and it may cause you to implode. I'm pretty sure that I'm the only one in the existence of history of the galaxy universe thing that can handle this next part, since I've already read it three times and seen it in real life once. That's right, this isn't actually a story. This is a documentary of the one time when the world ended because some idiot kid ate a bag of chips. And his name was Steven. Of course, you might not know that since that was in a different multiverse but... still. Ah, I'm getting off topic here! We must learn about the Chaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaps, if you can handle it! Well, I think I've talked enough, so here we go..._

... and immediately regretted the decision, as he vomited. Upon closer inspection, he found that the crystalline substance was...

 _... are you ready?_

... Not a bunch of gem shards, as most people might expect. Steven just really didn't like the flavor. Upon much more closer inspection, however, Steven saw that the Chaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaps had been coated in fire salt. A _lot_ of fire salt. And so, Steven became a living super-volcano and began to melt the ground beneath him, whilst Amethyst looked on and broke into hysterical laughter. Steven's mouth-fire was hotter than the sun that had previously been scorching the Earth, but was now being scorched by the Earth... or, at least, somebody who happened to live on the Earth.

Meanwhile, deep beneath the crust of the Earth, something began to stir.

 _Alright, now things are really getting good! But, uh, one final warning before things really get too crazy and epic. Chaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaps aren't good, and have killed many people before, so trigger warning because this next part is gonna feature a lot of Chaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaps which are so full of Chaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaap-y goodness that the Chaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaps Chaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaps Chaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaps. This was not a sponsored message by Chaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaps. Yes, they changed their name again, but let's just call them by the name they are in the story. Oh, and... uh... this next part is awesome so turn back or whatever. I don't really think I need to give a warning for this next part since everybody is probably already gone, but... be careful... if you are still here. I don't think even I can handle this part, so I'm getting a specially-designed robot to do it for me. See ya on the other side!_

Almost immediately, the Cluster emerged straight out of the ground, and began to tear the world into little, tiny shreds. Steven was shocked. Amethyst was shocked. Garnet was shocked. Ronaldo was shocked. Pearl was shocked. Peedee was shocked. Kevin was shocked. Rose was shocked. Greg was shocked. Peridot was shocked. Malachite was shocked. The Temple Fusion was shocked. The Astrosaurus was shocked. Beesus was shocked. Halite was shocked _(although I guess I already mentioned that HAHA JOKES)_. The Cluster was even shocked for some reason, even though it knew what it was doing. Basically, literally everybody was shocked. _Even me._

However, Steven snapped out of his shock almost immediately and knew what he must do. The bag of Chaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaps was awful. The Cluster was awful. They were meant to be. Steven quickly raised the bag of Chaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaps above his head, into plain sight, and shouted.

"HEY! Mr. Cluster thing! You look kinda lonely, don't you!"

The Cluster immediately took notice and nodded his head, sadly. He was, indeed, lonely. _Although, wouldn't you be if you were stuck in the ground for centuries? And you were made up of over a million different gem shards, all stuck together forcefully with a hot glue gun? Okay, well, the glue gun part might not be entirely accurate but WHATEVER CONTINUE THE STORY!_

Steven's plan was working. He raised the Chaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaps bag even higher and shouted some more.

"Well, have this!"

With that, he threw the bag of Chaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaps straight at the Cluster. It went soaring through the air... over everybody's heads... and landed in front of the Cluster. Immediately, the Cluster gently picked it up and hugged it. It was love at first sight. Finally, the Cluster would be lonely no longer.

"Thank youuuu!" roared the Cluster, as it began to kiss the bag of Chaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaps with more passion than a French person.

"No problem!" said fkgowv8nq8\v-89,-V-,Ccvmv- v8-vmq,mbv

 _... huh. Well, I guess not even the robot could handle it. Well, uh... basically, the Cluster would've destroyed the planet anyway and everybody would've died. And it would be completely Steven's fault. Thanks for reading my absolutely perfectly brilliant fanfic that totally had zero flaws whatsoever and, if you give this a score any less than a perfect 11/10, I will hunt you down and force you to literally eat your words because I am the bestest person in the entire universe and you are not and I am perfect and everybody loves me and wants me and even if you do insult me I will take it as a compliment because I am definitely really a good writer really for real!_

 _Signed,_

 _Peridot_


	2. Steven Destr- wait, hang on

Peridot, get off of the internet.

 _"No."_

Peridot.

 _"No!"_

PERIDOT!

 _"Fine, but this is the last time that I listen to a fusion such as yourself!"_

That's it, I'm putting you back on the leash.

 _"NO NO WAIT I'LL DO ANYTHING!"_

Heh, that's what I thought. So, get off of the internet.

 _"... apart from that."_

...

 _"..."_

... that's it, no internet for 1000 years.

 _"Aw, man... not cool."_


End file.
